The Little Red Hen

In light of today's Special Election in California, I thought I might share a parable that I came across on www.libertypost.org. Enjoy.
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Once upon a time there was a little red hen who scratched about the barnyard until she uncovered quite a few grains of wheat. She called all of her neighbors together and said, "If we plant this wheat, we shall have bread to eat. Who will help me plant it?"
"Not I," said the cow.
"Not I," said the duck.
"Not I," said the pig.
"Not I," said the goose.
"Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen. And so she did. The wheat grew very tall and ripened into golden grain. "Who will help me reap my wheat?" asked the little red hen.
"Not I," said the duck.
"Out of my classification," said the pig.
"I'd lose my seniority," said the cow.
"I'd lose my unemployment compensation," said the goose.
"Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen, and so she did. At last it came time to bake the bread. "Who will help me bake the bread! ?" asked the little red hen.
"That would be overtime for me," said the cow.
"I'd lose my welfare benefits," said the duck.
"I'm a dropout and never learned how," said the pig.
"If I'm to be the only helper, that's discrimination," said the goose.
"Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen. She baked five loaves and held them up for all of her neighbors to see. They wanted some and, in fact, demanded a share. But the little red hen said, "No, I shall eat all five loaves."
"Excess profits!" cried the cow.
"Capitalist leech!" screamed the duck.
"I demand equal rights!" yelled the goose.
The pig just grunted in disdain.
And they all painted "Unfair!" picket signs and marched around and around the little red hen, shouting obscenities.
Then a government agent came... he said to the little red hen, "You must not be so greedy," while dividing the little red hen's freshly baked bread equaly between the cow, the duck, the goose and the pig.
"But I earned the bread," said the little red hen.
"Exactly," said the agent. "That is what makes our free enterprise system so wonderful. Anyone in the barnyard can earn as much as he wants. But under our modern government regulations, the productive workers must divide the fruits of their labor with those who are lazy and idle,"
And they all lived happily ever after, including the little red hen, who smiled and clucked, "I am grateful, for now I truly understand," But her neighbors became quite disappointed in her. She never again baked bread because she joined the "party" and got her bread free.

Potty Training

Be forewarned: this subject necessarily includes scatological content and humor. Prepare for some potty-talk.

For the past couple of weeks Annie and I (OK, mainly her) have been trying to potty train the twins. It has been a joyous time, complete with poopy panties, pee on the floor, and extremely inconvenient "I need to go potty"s. But, on the whole, we have been very impressed by our girls' ability to adapt to a diaper-less life. It is amazing how much two M&Ms and the privilege of flushing to toilet can motivate a child. I guess our thunderous applause and high-fives also provide good encouragement.

Genna has been the best at alerting us of her impending toilet activities. Kate, however, lets us know by going still for several seconds, getting a glassed-over look in her eye, and then proceeding with playing with Tinkerbell. Needless to say, the window to take action is short for her and we have had to be proactive in our approach. She has gotten much better, though. Very few mishaps of late from either of them.

Yesterday during church Genna began to chant "I need to go potty" in her low voice, which stood in stark contrast to the words our bishop was offering from the pulpit. I took her to the men's room and sat her on the toilet. It's a big seat, so I had to kneel next to her with my arms around her back to keep her from falling in. After several moments of silent anticipation Genna leaned over to me and whispered, "Shhh. Listen. Watch. Can you hear it?" - indicating that at anytime I could expect to hear the tinkle or plop of a successful toilet trip. Is that cute or what? I began to laugh and she did, too. Who would have thought that I could have such a fun bonding moment with my daughter while kneeling on the men's room floor? Ah, the wonders of potty parenthood.

As a follow up to my PartyLite post, I must admit to the further emasculating of Justin. Kate and Genna have been wearing Disney Princess pull-up diapers for their training. Their favorite diaper depicts Ariel, of The Little Mermaid fame, on the front. They have not yet seen the movie. So, tonight as a treat during Family Home Evening we are going to watch it with them for the first time. And, I am looking forward to it. Not simply because I get to hang out with my ladies around a bowl of popcorn, but because I am actually looking forward to the movie itself. Help me, please.

PartyLite & Life Crisis

On Tuesday Annie hosted a PartyLite show, in which the women of the Lindsay & Walker clans, (and several others) were most liberal in their purchases of candles and candlesticks. Thank you all very much, for it gave Annie a lot of free credit and turned out to be the consultant's best show to date.
Last night Annie and I spent a good hour going over the catalogues to see how we could best spend her $200 in credit. Yes, I spent over an hour looking at candles. Don't get me wrong, I loved spending the time with my wife. What disturbed me, though, was that I enjoyed looking at candles! What's wrong with me?!?
Something changes when a man gets married. I still remember the horror I felt when I first walked into someone else's house and noticed and critiqued how they decorated. I never cared how anyone decorated before! But ever since moving into a place of our own, I always notice. Also, since the brith of our twin girls I have become disturbingly comfortable with the color pink. PINK! I actually look at our girls' double-pink bedroom with pride. I have diagnosed this condition as 'pink-out.' Other symptoms include: using words like 'cute' and adorable', noticing the girls' clothing sections at department stores, and enjoying look for bargains amidst the Disney Princess doll section.
I am reaching a crisis point. I am now outnumbered by females four to one. My testosterone levels, though incredibly high, are insufficient. I need help. Please, if anyone has any advice on how to restore some gender balance to my household let me know. Annie won't let me get a rottweiler or a big truck or an assault rifle. I am desperate. Help please.

The Ladies in My Life

We went this year to our favorite pumpkin patch in Woodland. Here is a picture of my ladies as they posed by the corn rows. Beautiful, aren't they? A bit goofy, too, on my daughters' part.

Halloween Cartoons

Crusade History Highlights

In my research surrounding the events that led to the Third Crusade (q.v. Richard the Lionheart, etc.) I have come across some very interesting stories and facts. Here are a few.

1) On the morning of the day before the Battle of Hattin, in which the Christian field army was destroyed by Saladin's Muslim army (July 1187), there were a number of ill-omens that devasted morale among the Christian soldiers. One involved what was described by a French chronicler as a 'half-mad Muslim woman." She began cursing the Christian army. In response several soldiers attempted to set her on fire to stop her ravings. She would not ignite. So, one soldier took matters into his own hands by taking his axe and "cleaving her head in two." Wow. I'm not sure what to make of that. The word 'charity' doesn't come to mind, though.

2) Following the Battle of Hattin, Saladin offered an option to the Templars and Hospitaller knights; convert or die. Most of them (around 230) chose to be beheaded, but the records show that a few Templars did 'convert' on the spot. In face, some 40 years later, a Templar was listed as the head of the garrison in the Muslim city of Damascus (Syria). The thought of converted former Templars serving in the Muslim ranks is very intriguing - good story line possibilities.

3) Every city in the Holy Land eventually capitulated to Saladin in 1187 - save one. Tyre. This large coastal city successfully withstood several sieges, one of which was led by the sultan (Saladin) himself. One of Saladin's secretaries, who was keeping a chronicle of the events, made note that one Christian champion in particular earned the tremendous respect of the sultan. He was described as a Spanish knight who led several sorties out of the city gates to fend off the Muslim attacks. He wore all green and had stag antlers attached to his helmet. I would have loved to have met this guy. What a great image. I wonder what came of him when he went back home?

An awful note on penguins.

This was just forwarded to me by Ian Tillman. Previously, I had thought that penguins were largely harmless and comical creatures. How wrong I was. This is the text from Ian: "Here is an example of penguin mischief. Every year several lives are lost to penguins and penguin related violence. This is mostly do to penguins playing violent video games and dungeons and dragons. It sends them into a murderous rage! The poor walruses...well see for yourself. "


If my sources are correct, these penguins had just been playing a video game called "Grand Theft Artic." We must put a stop to such senseless killing.

What is it about penguins?

Would this picture be half as funny if it weren't a penguin?