One Couple's Stumblings Through Parenthood and Marriage

Tuesday, April 04, 2006


Since ibuprophen, steroids, Vicodin, Flexoral, chiropractic adjustments, cervical pillows, ultrasound therapy, cold laser therapy, biofreeze, and electrode therapy have all failed to give me a reprieve from my neck pain, my doctor set up an MRI for me today.

The MRI machine reminded me at first of a Spanish Inquisition torture device I had seen once. I was laid out on a table and then rolled into a very tight-fitting tube - my shoulders touched both sides, and the top was less than six inches from my nose (claustrophobia alert - Kelly). The only changes they would have had to make it a true torture device would have been to strap me down, tip the tube by 30 degrees (head first), and then slowly add water til I drowned or confessed (I would have confessed).

It was actually quite pleasant. It was 15 minutes of having to lay absolutely still in a narrow tube, but I actually fell asleep - which isn't a good thing; I twitch as I am falling asleep. Since MRI stands for 'magnetic resonance image', I had to leave all metal objects in a locker, save for my wedding ring. As each image was taken of my neck, my ring would rattle, shake, knock, and thump in time with the MRI cameras. At first I thought that was kind of romantic. It reminded me of my wife. But then as sleep began to descend upon me, the inner dork came out. I began to imagine that my ring had a life of its own, like the One Ring from the Lord of the Rings. This got be laughing, which I had to fight to stay still.

I should have the results of the MRI in a few days. I hope that whatever the problem is, it is something dramatic but easily fixed. Maybe my neck pain is being caused by an old shrapnel shard from when I fought in the French Foreign Legion. Or maybe I was the subject of a secret Canadian government experiment, and I have an adamantine neck. Or maybe I have one of those undeveloped twins that my body absorbed while yet in the womb, and it is now fighting to take control. I want the cause to be a good story, not just a compressed disc. Wish me luck.


Buppa H said...

I also found the MRI to be pleasant. A friend warned me that it could feel claustrophobic, so I just closed my eyes before they slid me into the chamber (sounds more impressive than tube) and it didn't matter whether the top was 3 inches or 30 feet from my nose. I'm betting the MRI will reveal the Adamantine skeleton.

Raging Wombat said...

Yes, chamber does sound better. I have my fingers crossed for adamantine.

Mom said...

Your inner dork? Way too cute to have an inner dork.

Raging Wombat said...

Mom! You can't call me cute. It's so embarassing!